il s’agit de vous et moi.

I thought it was funny that my friend said this to me when we were chatting online. Somehow, in some way, she sensed that I am a loser in my use of words. There could be many reason to why she said the phrase, like perhaps she has been thinking over how she is not a loser, she has been talking many people before that talked similar and admitted they are losers, or I am a loser but I wasn’t aware that I had said it.

It is hard not to be a loser, especially when you are trying to be different, unique, NOT fitted in. Everybody is a loser to a degree, to different groups of people and perspectives. Quoting my friend’s saying, everyone has their own path and their own troubles. All we can do is to figure out ours, solve it, and move on.

I agree with that and until this moment of my life, I thought I was doing pretty good at it, except not applying it to myself. I know that everyone has their own path and own troubles. That is what I said to people when I comfort them and give them my 2 cents to their troubles. Then today it is my turn to be told. Funny, isn’t it?

Am I a loser? I never thought of myself as a loser, until I graduated college and got hit by the freight train of real world. It is a pretty hopeless feeling, yet it is exactly the feeling I should avoid. Clearly there is someone who’s got it worse than I do, just think about those homeless, poor, oh so many examples. Compared to them, I am still in pretty good shape. But men are greedy. Once upon a time, I studied in the same classroom, listened to the same faculty members, used the same pen and computers, and got the same grade as some people whom are successful in their career now. Compared to them, I am a loser, in my career.

What I didn’t see is that they are losers, too, in different ways. They don’t like their boss, they want to quit but are afraid to get a bad reputation, they want to go to grad school but no time to study for entrance exams, they want to work in a different city, they want to … There is so many troubles concerning them, just like any other human beings, even though they would be considered successful at such a young age.

If you look heavily on career, perhaps you are a loser when compared to them. But if you do focus heavily on career, perhaps you had gotten yourself a pretty decent career already. If not, it could only be explained that your heart is somewhere else. Your mind is telling you “career”, but your heart says “no”.

I think my heart is saying “no”, otherwise I would’ve fixed my resume and cover letters the first moment I had to write them. I would’ve studied and gone to the career center the first moment I got into a college. But where is my heart saying “yes” to? I honestly don’t know. All I know is my heart is in the work. Now I just hope what I do shows a complete representation of my heart.

Do you know where your heart is saying “yes”? Find out, then tell your mind to “shut up”.